The days pass by...

I wonder why you're not by my side.
I'm here without you.
Sleepless nights; I try and try..
To figure out why I'm here without you.



Sometimes I go thru a little "phase" where nothing seems to make sense, and I honestly have no clue what I want out of life. Yes, that's a part of life, and I realize that. But it doesn't make it any better when I'm feeling that way. All I know is that I want to do something great with my life, with my experiences. I want to make a difference, and be the person I wish could have been there for me. I want to help people. I love making people laugh, and making people happy. It gives me the greatest feeling ever. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy, and to feel loved. It hurts to know that some people don't feel that way, and even feel the exact opposite of that.


I'm kind of in a waiting place, it seems like. I keep having to wait for things, it seems like. I want to graduate so bad. RIGHT now. But I still have a whole year and a half to go, and that gets irritating at times. I'm excited for my senior year though, so that makes it a little better. I've just always felt older than I really am, so it's a weird feeling. I don't know.


I miss the feeling of home. I don't have that anymore, anywhere. When I left Kewanee, it was still home to me and every time I went back, it was like I'd never left. I assumed Peoria would eventually feel like home, but now I don't think it ever will. It isn't the place for me. Dunlap is not me at all; I don't feel welcome anywhere, and I do not fit in with anything at the school. I went to Kewanee last weekend, and I realized that it isn't home anymore, either. It made me really sad, and made me come to terms with the fact that I really don't have a place that I feel I belong anymore. maybe that's why I'm so anxious to go to college and make my own home. One will that feel right to me, and one that I can change whenever I want to....


On a lighter note....I love Jimmy Robbins. I literally. Love him. I am confident that if he lived here and wasn't at all famous, I would feel the same way. He is wonderful and I wish we were in love right now. That's all. :]





So, I finally watched Across the Universe, and I loved it. I love The Beatles, and it was just altogether a really spectacular movie!!



All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love
love
love
.....
Love is all you need. <3

Why

did I go and delete so many entries?
Because as much as I may feel differently now,
those were my feelings.
And I know that they were real.


Sometimes, the feelings we start having for someone..
Are feelings that never really went away.

Look to the sun

The days seem long, and the nights seem too short.
Her head is confused, and it is the last resort.
It seems right now that there's now way out.
She can't find her way and she just wants to shout.
They tell her they'll listen, but she knows they don't care.
I only wish I could show her, that I'll always be there.
This hurt that she's feeling; this overwhelming pain...
It won't last forever, and she can break this endless chain.
These words, I would tell her if she'd give me the chance.
I would say so many things, but maybe I can't.
See, I've been where you are and I know how you feel.
The pain that you're feeling, It's so very real.
But these things, we can't change; there's no reason to fret.
I have this inner hope, and I'm willing to bet
That things WILL get better, just you wait and see
Things will get better for you and for me.

Break what's already broken..

Laughter.
Smiles.
Friends.
Love.
Happy.
Fun.
Carefree.
Safe.
Joy.
Hope.
New.
Scary.
Unknown.
Nothing.
Silence.
Afraid.
Cliques.
Friends.
Alone.


Perfect.
Tears.
Smiles.
Tears.
Love.
Tears.
Happy.
Tears.
Hope.
Tears.
Trust.
Tears.
Faith.
Tears.
Life.
Tears.

Now you just become..

Like everything I'll never find again.
At the bottom of the ocean....

You sound so lonely..

I remember the simple things,
I remember 'til I cry..
But the one thing I wish I'd forget,
The memory I wanna forget....
Is Goodbye.



I know I'm wasting my time.
But I don't mind.
hrnbkinhryjw


I hate seeing you so sad.
So alone and confused.
Even if you hide it,
you can't hide it from me.
I know you better than you think.
And I can't help but think about you.
I'm not really sure what that means?
But I'm also not sure if I should care.
I don't know.
All I know is I miss you.
And I hate that I do.
And I hate that we don't talk anymore.


I'm just at a loss.
And I'm not sure what to do....

The scars remind us, the past is real

I hate being afraid of things.
Things that I shouldn't be afraid of.
I can't bring myself to just let it go.
And try to let something happen.
I don't know if it's because of my past,
Or maybe I'm just doing the same thing.
Thinking too much, over-analyzing....
Either way, it isn't good.
I don't know how to let go of this feeling.
But maybe it isn't just a feeling???
Maybe I feel weird because it isn't right?
Perhaps I'm only fooling myself....
And I just want this more than I need it.
I want it so bad, that I'm just pretending.





I'm only fooling myself, yeah yeah.