I'm here without you.
Sleepless nights; I try and try..
To figure out why I'm here without you.
Sometimes I go thru a little "phase" where nothing seems to make sense, and I honestly have no clue what I want out of life. Yes, that's a part of life, and I realize that. But it doesn't make it any better when I'm feeling that way. All I know is that I want to do something great with my life, with my experiences. I want to make a difference, and be the person I wish could have been there for me. I want to help people. I love making people laugh, and making people happy. It gives me the greatest feeling ever. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy, and to feel loved. It hurts to know that some people don't feel that way, and even feel the exact opposite of that.
I'm kind of in a waiting place, it seems like. I keep having to wait for things, it seems like. I want to graduate so bad. RIGHT now. But I still have a whole year and a half to go, and that gets irritating at times. I'm excited for my senior year though, so that makes it a little better. I've just always felt older than I really am, so it's a weird feeling. I don't know.
I miss the feeling of home. I don't have that anymore, anywhere. When I left Kewanee, it was still home to me and every time I went back, it was like I'd never left. I assumed Peoria would eventually feel like home, but now I don't think it ever will. It isn't the place for me. Dunlap is not me at all; I don't feel welcome anywhere, and I do not fit in with anything at the school. I went to Kewanee last weekend, and I realized that it isn't home anymore, either. It made me really sad, and made me come to terms with the fact that I really don't have a place that I feel I belong anymore. maybe that's why I'm so anxious to go to college and make my own home. One will that feel right to me, and one that I can change whenever I want to....
On a lighter note....I love Jimmy Robbins. I literally. Love him. I am confident that if he lived here and wasn't at all famous, I would feel the same way. He is wonderful and I wish we were in love right now. That's all. :]
So, I finally watched Across the Universe, and I loved it. I love The Beatles, and it was just altogether a really spectacular movie!!
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love
love
love
.....
Love is all you need. <3
